Thursday, December 22, 2005

In time for the holidays!

To show what kind of guy I am, I've decided to spread a little holiday cheer to everyone, including our friends on the left. So I give to you, as passed on to me, "The Twelve Politically Correct Days of Christmas (a Non-Denominational Winter Holiday)":
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other(s) in a consenting adult relationship gave to me:

TWELVE oppressive patriarchs reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,

ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 8-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),

TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,

NINE liberated womyn engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

EIGHT economically disadvantaged womyn stealing milk from (and inflicting physical discomfort on) enslaved Bovine-Americans,

SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,

SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,

FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,

(NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens, turtledoves, and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)

FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,

THREE deconstructionist poets,

TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses, and...

A Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

Happy* Holiday! (unless otherwise prohibited by law)

* Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with a suggestion that your have a thoroughly adequate day.