Wednesday, July 26, 2006

GOP ploy to keep the House and Senate

Our snoopers investigative journalists here at the Crush Liberalism Objective World News Service (CLOWNS) have uncovered the latest diabolical plot from Karl Rove. Our investigators, code-named "Neil and Bob", intercepted a memo that has since been authenticated by Dan Rather. The contents of the memo are as follows:
TO: Big Dubya
FROM: Karl
RE: November elections strategy


In case Cheney hasn't read the paper to you this morning, Saddam is asking to be shot in the event of his conviction. Apparently, the thought of being cornholed by a big burly Shiite cellmate named al-Bubba is more than he can bear. That got the wheels of my evil mind turning...

What if you announce a couple of days before the November elections that you will, via an executive order, implement a lottery for Americans whereby the winning ticket will get to be the person who personally pulls the trigger on Saddam? Now here's the kicker: the lottery is contigent upon both houses of Congress being retained by the Republicans!

Think about it, Dub. Right now, most Americans hate the GOP and you...but with the exception of the Kos kooks, the MSM, and public education personnel, they hate Saddam even more! I would bet you a dollar to a Texas brisket sandwich that they would even keep us in power for just a crack at capping the Butcher of Baghdad. No GOP majority, no chance to pop a pellet in Saddam. I'm telling you, Dub, the idea is foolproof!

Anyway, kick around the idea for a bit. Speaking of "kicking around", I need to go kick around some puppies. Get back to me on my plan, willya?

This is the kind of reporting that you've come to expect from CLOWNS! We aim to please...even if our aim is a little off.