Headline: "France rejects 'war on terror'"

Our professional peeping toms investigative journalists here at CLOWNS have obtained what is believed to be a rough draft of French Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin's speech regarding his country's outright rejection of fighting Islamic terrorism. My French is a little rusty, so we asked our resident linguist (in order to maintain his anonymity, we'll call him "Monsieur Hank") to translate Mr. de Villepin's notes. Translation:

Against terrorism, what's needed is not a war. It is, as France has done for many years, a determined submission, a dogged and steadfast opposition to any conflict whatsoever, even to the point of diluting our country's esteemed culture and heritage. After all, we wouldn't even defend our own country from the march of Nazi stormtroopers...and those krauts weren't cutting our heads off!

Cooperation with, and accommodation of, our Muslim partners will guarantee that France will thrive in dhimmitude peace and harmony with our Islamic brethren. Sure, we'll have to torch the Louvre, since the artwork contained therein will likely be considered blasphemous to our Muslim partners. And oui, our women will have to forget about their chic garbs in order to wear burqas (but rest assured that France will be leaders of the world in the new designer burqa market!). But in the end, peace is not achieved without sacrifice. Speaking of "in the end", I would request that my country's homosexual population relocate within 48 hours, otherwise our Muslim brethren may have to impose our new "sharia" on you. Like I said, "sacrifice"!

It is the duty of France and Europe to show that the clash of civilizations is not inevitable. No one retains this wisdom, inherited from our history, as we, French and Europeans, do. Fighting for independence accomplishes nothing...only bloodshed. Peace through submission...nothing more, nothing less. Merci.

The French just parody themselves, don't they? No CLOWNS (or Hank) needed for that!