International crisis averted as France nearly surrenders to Italians

After a fantastic game in yesterday's World Cup championship between France and Italy (which Italy won 5-3 in a penalty kick shootout) an international incident was narrowly avoided. Our sources at the Crush Liberalism Objective World News Service (CLOWNS) were in Paris to cover the post-game reaction and reported the following to us:

As we watched the final moments of the game on a television in Fat Jacques' Briestro, we were preparing our equipment to interview the dejected French denizens of the café. At that moment, a pair of overenthused Italian youth began screaming for joy and igniting a few strings of firecrackers on the Champs-Elysses.

No sooner had their celebration begun when, after hearing the fast repetition of the firecrackers, scores of Frenchmen, including uniformed members of the French armed services, waved white flags and frantically searched for someone to whom they were expected to surrender. The Italian youths, realizing the gravity of the situation and the consequences of their celebration, fled from the scene. After chasing the youths for a couple of city blocks (all the while they were waving their white flags and begging their perceived "captors" to be merciful), the Frenchmen eventually gave up chase.

Upon learning of the incident, French President Jacques Chirac praised the Frenchmen at the scene for displaying the "type of resolve and compassion for which the French people are known." No further comment was available.

Whew! Crisis averted. Once again, we get a good lesson in media reporting from CLOWNS!