Thursday, August 03, 2006

Theme park calls off "Muslim Fun Day"

The al-Reuters story's opening paragraph is as follows:
Britain's biggest theme park has called off the country's first "National Muslim Fun Day" because of lack of interest, the park said Wednesday.

Alton Towers in central England was to open on September 17 for Muslims -- with halal food, a strict dress code and prayer areas.
As expected, al-Reuters gets it wrong. Our thieves on the payroll investigative journalists here at the Crush Liberalism Objective World News Service (CLOWNS) have obtained an internal memo from the Alton Towers theme park that detail the problems inherent with a "Muslim Fun Day":
FROM: Ilene Left, Park Program Coordinator
TO: Demi Tude, park president
RE: Problems with "Muslim Fun Day"

Ms. Tude:

Our office received many complaints from potential park customers (likely American bigots, or those horrendous Jews) who said they refused to go to Alton Towers until the following "offensive" festivities were removed:

  • The infidel head-tossing contest.

  • The "Avoid the Pig or Lose the Grapes Virgins" ride.

  • The "self-detonation for distance" contest.

  • "Pin the tail on the Jew boy."

  • "Whack-a-Zionist."

  • "Beat the non-burqaed wench with a Singapore cane."

    Some people can just be culturally insenstive bastards! Alas, our kindred at al-Reuters is going to report that "the fun day had caused some consternation: a non-Muslim couple scheduled to hold their wedding at the park's hotel complained to newspapers that event organizers told them the bride and female guests would have to cover up." Must be an American couple. After all, we know how prejudiced those damned Yankees can be!

    Anyway, I don't know that Alton Towers wants to run the risk of a P.R. black eye (or an errant martyrdom detonation), so I am advising that we drop the festivities. Sure, that may inflame the same group of people that were willing to get medieval over those Muhammed cartoons, but we're here to make money...being P.C. when possible is just a bonus!


    Ilene Left,
    Park Program Coordinator
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