Pay attention, Muslims: Don't choke your chicken during Ramadan!

Holy shiite, I can't believe this is a news story. Oh, well, here it is:

Deliberate masturbation during the month of Ramadan renders a fast invalid, Iranian Supreme Leader Sayyid Ali Khameini has ruled.

"Deliberate masturbation"? As opposed to "accidental"? If I had a nickel for every time I unintentionally "played tug-of-war with Cyclops"...I wouldn't even have a nickel! Continuing:

Khameini, who is Iran's most powerful political and religious figure, was asked on his website : "If somebody masturbates during the month of Ramadan but without any discharge, is his fasting invalidated?"

"If he do not intend masturbation and discharging semen and nothing is discharged (is this like "I smoked, but I didn't inhale"? - Ed.), his fasting is correct even though he has done a ḥarām (forbidden) act. But, if he intends masturbation or he knows that he usually discharges semen by this process and semen really comes out, it is a haram intentional breaking fasting," the Iranian leader said, posting the reply on his website.

I thought "fasting" means abstaining from eating. What does peeling one's chilies have to do with eating? Never mind! I don't want to know!

I wonder: if a Muslim "unintentionally" decapitates an infidel, has he broken his fast? Or perhaps it's OK to lop off an apostate's head during Ramadan as long as the Muslim doesn't "spank the monkey"? Damn, cultural awareness is tough!