"The High Cost of Easily Accessible Beans"

Van Helsing at Moonbattery nails this one out of the park.

It is common knowledge that beans cause the dreadful phenomenon known as flatulence, a major contributor to the global warming that will soon embroil us all in a sweaty apocalypse. Nonetheless, beans are readily available to anyone who wants to purchase them, despite the absence of explicit Constitutional protection as we have for firearms. So far as I know, beans are not even regulated.

Now we see the consequences:
...
The picture is of movie star Hugh Grant, assaulting a photographer with a tub of baked beans. Grant was subsequently arrested.

It's time for us to ask ourselves: would this incident have occurred if beans were subject to prudent federal regulation?

They can have my black beans when they pry the can from my cold, dead fingers! :-D