Monday, June 12, 2006

Zarqawi's replacement challenges election results (satire)

Hat tip to Mike's America for this hilarious piece of satire. I have to specify it's satire, lest the left go apoplectic...again. The Crush Liberalism Objective World News Service (CLOWNS) is syndicating Mike's story:
Al Queda Names New Iraqi Leader, Jilted Al Masri Demands Recount!

The news that al-Muhajer was selected to succeed Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, who was killed Wednesday by a U.S. airstrike on his hideout northeast of Baghdad, Iraq, came as welcome news to some Iraqi Jihadists.

But not all!

The leading candidate before yesterday's vote, Abu Ayyub al-Masri, who had been predicted to win by Al Jazeera exit polling screamed foul! "There were significant irregularities in the voting in a number of provinces," claimed al-Masri. He went on to say that "many of the older Jihadis may have been confused by our similar sounding names."

In a further move designed to highlight the possibility of voter fraud al-Masri added: "We know that the voting machines used were stolen from a Halliburton warehouse near Baghdad. Apparently they were surplus voting machines manufactured by Diebold, an American company, and last used in Ohio during the 2004 presidential election."

Al-Masri went on to say that "It's also a distinct possibility that the rigging of these machines to favor al-Muhajer was part of a Bush Administration Psy-Ops program to steal the election in favor of their CIA backed candidate."

The group backing al-Masri has filed an immediate injunction with the Jihad council to seal all records in preparation for legal moves demanding a recount.

Al-Masri also indicated that many of the absentee ballots of Jihadis in the field were illegally disqualified and that Jihadis of African origin were dissuaded from voting by the presence of Arab Imams at polling places. In addition, "Our dark skinned brothers were handed fliers saying that the voting day for those of African origin was next week" said al-Masri.

Al-Masri demanded that: "Should a revote be necessary, we need to have outside observers favorable to our democratic cause. Former US President Jimmy Carter, who has experience with this in Venezuela, as well as the friend of Jihadis everywhere: Cindy Sheehan, should be called in to assure the result reflects the will of the Jihadis."
CLOWNS: Journos everywhere, entrusted to provide you with the news you need! :-)